Respect and Honor your Children

        I share this topic that I might be a voice, humming a different tune.

Once born, we grappled with feeding challenges and excess crying and spent the bulk of our days within these realms.

As my babe grew, we continued to struggle and yet were wrapped in joy. The 18 month mark came and went with me becoming a little overwhelmed (she was also a biter) which continued as a theme! This was followed by her wiping her poopy diaper all along the slats of her wooden crib (sometimes more than once a day) and then voila; she can climb out and naps no longer even exist, by age two and a half.

I did not bite her back nor did I spank. I knew impulse control was not yet hers. Instead I took her for very long walks down our country road and pulled her back in the wagon: I kept her productive and busy, which she needed and enjoyed. (Focusing on  quality positive times with her)

When she was three we joined playschool and music for toddlers. I found myself immediately ‘frowned upon’ and was the recipient of much unsolicited advice. Once the other moms saw my independent and at times; ‘fiery’ offspring I was barraged with book recommendations and (unsolicited) advice. It all seemed a tad cold and brutish and more for the mother’s empowerment and ease than a foundation for the child.

My child was very vocal and ‘one two three magic’ or ‘time outs’ would leave me more exhausted, confused and physically challenging.

My normal modus operandi (when at home) would be to simply walk to another room and regain my ‘stillness’; after so many moments, the episode having passed ; we could calmly discuss the unwanted behaviour.

With all sincerity she usually came to me with a hug and a rather sheepish countenance.

By the time my child turned four our lives were beginning to turn around. My Dad began to weigh in with words to the effect; “imagine a teacher nurturing a class of little Einstein’s or Vivaldi’s. Intelligence spans many outlets; be they social, artistic, musical, scholastic, writing…

I had previously explored (imaginatively expounding) creative energy in a small person; one who cannot yet use their hands to their full capacity; cannot articulate their thoughts (or emotions).Many adults have never grasped this integrity. How frustrating a ‘lack’ this is.

Then could it be I had been on the right track after all; I honored and respected my child as a human being not someone who should simply be bullied, over powered and squashed to make ‘job’ easier; of course being careful that I was viewed as the Omega.

The more I tried to please my peers and ‘fit in’ the more frustrating and difficult it was for her and I. I had always referred to ‘said behaviour’ as a season, one that would pass. (and pass it did)

A client recently shared that her teenager was considered an out of control toddler and she felt it a God send to have those years behind them. While the child was still ‘containable’ rather than an older child who could storm out of the home.

While I (we) certainly did not wish to encourage the troublesome behaviour, we were not keen on squishing our daughter down either. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and her very own personality, growing with our acceptance was also important (again with the open eyes and discussions of what manners and respect towards one another (& us) meant within a family unit and that each member needed care, discipline and respect.

Then my 5-6 year old child watched my Dad, her beloved Grandpa John, struggle with three cancers. More in hospital than at home and when at home he was housebound with pic lines and such. She compassionately swabbed his lips when in hospital, found games for them to play when at home and read to him every Monday during their phone date.

Our girl has an interesting and close relationship with our Creator. She notes what strangers are wearing and freely compliments them on an article they are wearing, she asks people how they are feeling and even notes their name tags so she can properly address them.

Our daughter is rather brilliant (I say with all humility and take no real credit other than never giving up on her :) She does well in French Immersion Catholic School and amazes her religious study teacher with depth of knowledge and respects and wants to please her teachers.

We were all grief stricken when my Dad passed October 2012. Our child (perhaps an old soul) was as in touch with her feelings and felt as we all did; Dad was in a better place. A lofty perspective for a small person (or a big one) who loved and missed her beloved Gramps.

We now know her as one who accepts challenges and adversities as due course and muscles through during this ‘season’ of her life.

I can share, hug, love, hold on tight knowing the time with children is very short: In truth; this too, shall pass.